Fast Lane Review

Yet another terrible show and it's NOT only because Reigns won and ruined my whole night. Based off this pre-Mania PPV that only advanced storylines which is UNHEARD OF in professional wrestling, I will be joining the #BoycottMania movement and cancelling my WWE Network... unless RAW is good on the road to WrestleMania. Or maybe even if it's bad. I'll just skip the main event of Mania. Or watch it and hate it regardless of what happens. We'll see.

Pre-Show United States Championship 2 out of 3 Falls Match

Kalisto (c) vs Alberto Del Rio

The actual match was good, but I'm just PISSED that it was on the pre-show instead of the main PPV! Why would they use the slot they have carved out to squeeze an extra match onto a PPV to squeeze an extra match onto a PPV?!?! It's a slap in the face to two great performers and the US Title to perform in front of a full capacity crowd in what is essentially the opening match and get them fired up for the rest of the show. 2 stars.

Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch vs Tamina and Naomi

Good match, but they're watering down two amazing NXT divas like Sasha and Becky by putting them against untalented ugly main roster girls like Tamina and Naomi. 1 star.

Intercontinental Championship Match

Kevin Owens (c) vs Dolph Ziggler

I love both these guys and this was possibly the best match on the whole show. It combined my love of a billion superkicks with my enjoyment of Dolph Ziggler for no apparent reason to create a great match even though the IC Title is meaningless now and has been forever blah blah blah. 3 and a half stars.

The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt vs Kane, Ryback, & Big Show

What an unbearable match between a bunch of guys who can't wrestle and Luke Harper. Plus stupid Rybotch injured Luke Harper. Get him a Z-Pack! LMAO! Anyway, I didn't even watch this garbage. And why did the Wyatts lose???? 0 stars.

Divas Championship Match

Charlotte (c) w/ Ric Flair vs Brie Bella

I don't understand why Charlotte keeps winning when I don't want to see her win at all, and no, I'm not getting worked by her being a good heel. At all. Plus, Brie's dreadful wrestling and blatant piggybacking off Daniel Bryan's career which is the only reason she married him and not because they are two people who are in love. This was a disgrace on Bryan's career because Brie screwed up like two spots, despite the fact the crowd was into it throughout and especially for the submission at the end. Half star.

Rubber Match

AJ Styles vs Chris Jericho

I love both wrestlers and the wrestling was great, but WHY DID CHRIS JERICHO KICK OUT OF THE STYLES CLASH I'M SO ANGRY I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT HE TAPPED OUT TO THE CALF CRUSHER IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS GAH FUCK THIS COMPANY STYLES IS BURIED ALREADY. 1 star.

Curtis Axel w/ Social Outcasts vs R-Truth

How is this on the PPV and not the pre-show, am I right? I hate fun. Fun stuff is the worst. I hate that I wasted 4 whole minutes of my life watching this segment. 0 stars.

Triple Threat for WWE WHC Shot at WrestleMania

Brock Lesnar vs Dean Ambrose vs Roman Reigns

EVERYTHING GOOD ABOUT THIS MATCH GOES OUT THE WINDOW BECAUSE ROMAN REIGNS WON. NEGATIVE 7 STARS. #BOYCOTTMANIA #CANCELWWENETWORK

Overall: 3/10 Stars

Way Too Early WrestleMania Predictions

Despite how often I say I want to stay away from fantasy booking, I find myself doing it quite often. You could consider this a form of fantasy booking, although it's not a fantasy as much as it's what I believe is going to take place at WrestleMania 32 in Dallas. 

WrestleMania 32 

 Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Braun Strowman def. Stardust, Tyler Breeze, Konnor, Viktor, Big Show, Kane, Ryback, The Miz, Damien Sandow, Curtis Axel, Bo Dallas, Adam Rose, Heath Slater, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Rusev, Dolph Ziggler etc.

 -In a pre-show match, Strowman goes over by being really big and choking dudes out and nonchalantly dumping their lifeless bodies out of the ring. Yay. Push is imminent as long as he doesn't totally suck in the ring, which so far he doesn't.

Divas Championship Match

Sasha Banks def. Charlotte (c) w/ Ric Flair & Becky Lynch

-This seems to be where they're taking this feud, and by virtue of being the most over between her and Becky, I believe Sasha will get the nod and the title.

Tables Match

The Usos def. The Dudley Boyz

-Breaking the tradition of the annual "Cram Everyone Onto Mania Four Corners Tag Team Title Match", the newly heel Dudleys do the job for The Usos in a tables match. The Dudleys swearing off tables with their heel turn seems destined for them to encounter tables once again at some point down the road, and with fans beginning to be turned off The Usos, the Dudleys could be the team that gets them back in the good graces with the crowd, especially if the titles aren't involved.

United States Championship Match

Kalisto (c) def. Chris Jericho

-I struggled to think of what Jericho might do at Mania with what seems to be a heel turn impending from his current program with AJ Styles, that may result in a match at Fast Lane, which you'd have to believe Styles would win. Jericho seems too important of a roster piece to just be Andre Battle Royal fodder, and he can't be in a more important match on the card than AJ if he loses at Fast Lane, so I think heel Jericho would be a perfect tool to further Kalisto's push and his reign as US Champion.

Bray Wyatt w/ The Wyatt Family def. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman

-It doesn't really matter who wins this match, honestly. But Lesnar's a horrifying monster no matter what he does at this point, so losing to Bray wouldn't be such a terrible thing for the Beast, especially when Bray really lacks a huge win to this point in his career. Maybe Heyman even plays into the finish here, as The Wyatt Family messing with him on the outside leads to a distraction that does Lesnar in. Maybe.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady w/ Carmella def. The New Day (c) w/ Xavier Woods

-If Enzo & Cass don't show up on The Cutting Edge Peep Show at Fast Lane, I'd be more shocked than if they do show up. Happening, see: it's. 

Intercontinental Championship Match

AJ Styles def. Kevin Owens (c)

-Yes I know there have been a lot of title changes on this show but it's WrestleMania and AJ STYLES WILL BECOME INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION AND THAT'S A BIG DEAL BECAUSE THE IC TITLE IS A BIG DEAL AGAIN AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. THEY DON'T WANT NONE.

Roman Reigns def. The Undertaker

-Let it marinate.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match

Dean Ambrose def. Triple H (c) w/ Stephanie McMahon

-I would be dreading this if the current program with Lesnar and Reigns hadn't turned me into an actual Ambrose fan. They've finally cut the wackiness and had him be an actual crazy person who thinks fighting Brock Lesnar is an okay thing to try. Good. When he wins at Fast Lane with the help of the Wyatt Family, the crowd will go crazy, and when he wins at WrestleMania and becomes World Champion, they'll go even crazier. And then the night after WrestleMania when Roman Reigns gets mad that Ambrose stole his spot and both he and Rollins have upstaged him at Mania 31 & 32... you know what, never mind that last bit. *Eyes emoji*