Random Rasslin Ramblings Part 1 - WWF In Your House 14: Revenge of the Taker

Random Rasslin Ramblings Part 1 - WWF In Your House 14: Revenge of the Taker

Welcome to the first Random Rasslin Rambling! Basically what I'll be doing is once or twice a week taking a PPV, TV episode, or special event and reviewing it, in no particular order, from no particular company. First up, courtesy of @WWENRandom on twitter, a WWE Network randomizer bot created by @MuricaMark, is In Your House 14: Revenge of the Taker. Admittedly, I haven't ventured much beyond 1997 in my viewing of wrestling. The style is typically too slow and in the WWF especially, the names don't get me excited to watch the matches. So, this should be somewhat of an introduction to some of the guys on the card, although I haven't even looked at what the matches are yet. I'm basically going into this blind. Without further ado, let's get right into it. 

Legion of Doom vs Owen Hart and British Bulldog

The crowd is HOT for LOD at the start. I find that weird, but that's just because I've never been a huge fan of LOD myself, most likely due to my lack of viewing experience pre-97. Also, the commentary team is JR, The King, and Vinny Mac. So that's pretty hype. Owen plays a great heel throughout, not necessarily through his moves, but his trash talk and body language really antagonize the crowd, while Bulldog does essentially nothing. The match slows down to a snail's pace whenever Legion of Doom take over on offense, which absolutely should not be the case with babyfaces. During an Owen Hart rest hold, the camera cuts to Austin arriving in the arena. They seem shocked that he showed up, even though it's the very beginning of the show. Hawk and Animal mount a comeback, THEN PIN BULLDOG WITH A TOP ROPE POWERSLAM. The fact that they didn't win with the Doomsday Device makes me call shenanigans. Oh, what do you know, another ref comes out. As it turns out, Bulldog wasn't legal. The match restarts, and Owen is great, calling for LOD to be disqualified and yelling at the ref to give them their belts. JR says, "I don't think this referee went to referee school on a scholarship. He was a walk-on." Almost immediately following the restart, LOD hits the Doomsday Device on Owen. Bret runs out, breaks up the pin, gets disqualified, and Owen/Bulldog retain. Shitty finish to a shitty match, and not a very good way to start a show. Owen does cut a fan-fucking-tastic post-match promo though. This is where I find out from Dok Hendrix that our main event is BRET HART VS STONE COLD! Now I'm excited.

Backstage, Sunny and Brian Pillman are running the Superstar Line. They do a little promo trying to persuade people to pay for the Superstar Line, while JR and The King heavily imply that they're banging each other. I'm disappointed by this because Pillman running the Superstar Line means he must not be wrestling. Bummer.

Savio Vega vs Rocky Maivia

I completely forgot about the guys rapping over the Nation theme. I also forgot Crush was in The Nation. Boo. Rock cuts a pretty good promo with Hendrix before the match. Not "The Rock" good, but still good. It's really strange to see Rocky cutting white meat babyface promos and coming out to a hip-hop theme. Rock wrestles the first 20 seconds of the match with the IC Title still around his waist. May I just take this moment to point out that SAVIO FUCKING VEGA is competing for the Intercontinental Championship on Pay-Per-View this close to the start of the Attitude Era? I guess when you consider that he wrestled in the main event of No Way Out of Texas 1998, this isn't so bad. Faarooq comes out a little ways through the match, and joins commentary, but his headset doesn't work so JR gives his to Faarooq. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE JR? Rocky and Savio trade boring offense while Faarooq essentially claims that the WWF is racist. Faarooq runs down Ahmed Johnson, then when talking about him belonging in The Nation, he says that he should "bring his black butt home". Savio kicks out of the god damn Rock Bottom (which hasn't been named yet, nor is it his finish). Crush interferes while Rocky is on the outside, leading to him being counted out in a title match while Savio stands and watches like a fucking moron, then gets angry after the count reaches ten. Savio and Crush start arguing until Faarooq tells them to get their shit together and they maul The Rock as a unit when Ahmed Johnson makes the save, wearing a red sweatsuit and wielding a 2x4. Ahmed cuts a promo that I can surprisingly understand every word of. Unfortunately, the promo is both terrible and racist, but I can at least make out every single word of it. He accepts Faarooq's challenge of a gauntlet match with all the members of The Nation. I don't know if it's meant to take place tonight, but based off the fact that Faarooq is in a sling, I'm guessing not.

THERE'S AN AOL BACKSTAGE THING WHERE KEN SHAMROCK CONFUSEDLY SLAMS HIS HANDS ON THE KEYBOARD OF A REALLY OLD DELL LAPTOP. 10/10 WOULD GIF.

Dok Hendrix conducts an interview with Marc Mero, Sable, and Marc Mero's mullet. Let me begin by letting out my inner 17 year old by mentioning just how hot late 90s Sable was. I would do really regrettable things to her. Carrying on, Dok makes note of the fact that they are in the very same arena where Mero won his Golden Gloves, but also informs us that Mero is unable to compete tonight. While Mero offers a response, Owen and Bulldog enter a room with weapons. There's a commotion, and when they come out, it's revealed that they assaulted Austin in the bathroom.

Jesse James vs Rockabilly

Road Dogg's name is misspelled as "Jesse Jammes" on the nameplate. He's also referred to on commentary as "Double J'. No. That is not him. Road Dogg is not Double J. Next to come out is Honky Tonk Man, who, if this match were decided by who has the better singing entrance, would have squashed Road Dogg (who, by the way, I refuse to refer to as Jesse James). Honky introduces his mystery protege to take on Dogg, and it's none other than Billy fucking Gunn, now known as Rockabilly. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS.... EXPLOOOOOODE!!!! 

One of the highlights of the action is Billy taking a hip toss and audibly yelling "OH JESUS" on the way up. He doesn't get nearly enough credit for being a great wrestler. Road Dogg knocks down Billy on the outside and threatens HTM, to which Honky Tonk Man replies "YOU'RE A GOOF! WHAT AN IDIOT!" I chuckled. Billy hits the Fame-asser 2 minutes into the match and DOESN'T EVEN COVER! Did finishers exist in early 1997? JJ wins with a small package sometime later, then dodges the El Kabong from Honky Tonk Man and bails out of the ring. Strictly based on in-ring action, easily the best match so far. But, A THIRD CONSECUTIVE SCREWY FINISH dampens the mood a little. Still pretty good, though.

Backstage, Dok Hendrix shills an Undertaker door banner. They're charging 29.95 for this shit, which Dok says is well-priced. He does his best job, but I would hope nobody paid up 30 bucks for this.

Kevin Kelly asks Austin if he's good to go, and Austin basically tells him to fuck himself. SCSA says Bret can bring his "OLD FAT FATHER STU" and he'll kick his ass too. Wonderful stuff.

Some guy with a bad haircut whose name I didn't catch interviewed the Hart Foundation. Bulldog mentions that this guy's first name is Lance. The more you know. They claim that Austin tried to attack Owen first as a justification for their beatdown on The Rattlesnake earlier.

Undertaker promo package. The gist of it is that Undertaker and Mankind are both super fucking weird, and that's why they're facing one another. The WWF Title will be contested one hour into the show, and Taker isn't even competing in the main event of the show that is NAMED AFTER HIM. A RAW recap shows Mankind shooting a fireball into Deadman's eyes. Taker selling it looks goofy as hell.

Dok, who's doing it all tonight, interviews Bearer and Mankind. Bearer is extra squeaky as he tells us that Mankind will win the belt. And Mankind, yelling, mentions that Taker's screams will be music to his ear. SINGULAR. EAR.

Mankind vs Undertaker

I'm pretty excited for this, naturally. Deadman should carry the belt in his hand at his side during his entrance, not wear it around his waist over his entrance coat. Haymakers by Taker in the corner kick us off, of course. Taker has a humongous bandage on the right side of his face, but Mankind's right hands obviously hit Undertaker on the left side of his face. Missed opportunity not putting the bandage on the other side. Crowd brawling. The Attitude Era's not so far away after all. Deadman does Old School, but he does it with Mankind in the center of the ring and does a diving clothesline instead of a club to the arm. Much more impressive that way. Mankind uses a full water pitcher and a chair to attack Undertaker, but isn't disqualified for his actions. The announcers note that this isn't a no DQ match and question the ref. Blech. Foley beats the holy high fuck out of Taker. Good for him. Despite the fact that the referee had already opted not to DQ Mankind for the use of a chair, they do a ref bump. Mankind attacks the replacement ref EVEN THOUGH HE HAD TAKER PASSED OUT FROM THE MANDIBLE CLAW. Bearer throws Mankind a chair, then Mick grabs the steps. Taker dropkicks said steps onto Mankind's face. A thunderous chairshot followed by Taker blasting Foley off the apron with the stairs through the announcer's table leads to a Chokeslam for an absurdly close nearfall. Immediately afterwards though, a Tombstone puts Mankind away. Taker goes after Bearer then, who appears to nearly shit himself as Deadman gets him in the corner. Taker drops Bearer with a right hand, but a really awkward sequence ensues where Taker just doesn't attack Bearer and goes after Mankind instead. TAKER SHOOTS FIRE IN BEARER'S FACE. FOR. FUCK'S. SAKE. 

The heels retreat. Undertaker stands tall. Alright match, but JUST DO A NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST. An injured Bearer is rushed from the arena while Taker stands with a lighter in his hand. That would work for a double turn, but this wasn't a double turn.

Dok is back again, this time interviewing Bret. Bearer can be heard squealing in the background throughout the interview. Bret says this will be war, including saying that Austin will be "maimed, or crippled, or whatever." He, Owen, and Bulldog walk to the ring, which infuriates JR and Vinny Mac at commentary because of the Tag Champions' presence. Before they even make it to the ring, Owen and Bulldog are thrown out by officials and Gorilla Monsoon. 

Bret Hart vs Stone Cold Steve Austin

Apparently, the winner will get a WWF Title match at In Your House 15. The action starts hot with more ringside brawling as we're informed by McMahon that Bearer is "writhing in pain". No shit. Austin mocks Bret's taunt! Then he whips him back and forth into the steel steps when the feed cuts out momentarily. The feed returns, but it's the French commentary feed. Much like the last match, there's no application of the rules as they brawl outside for well over 10 seconds, and Austin even does a double axe handle off the barricade. Nearfalls are far more exciting with French commentary. Immediately after I make note of this, the English commentary is back. Bret grabs a chair (NOT NO DQ), and a fan is heard yelling "ECW!" There's a ref bump as Austin is dropkicked into Hebner. Bret assaults Austin's injured knee with the chair, and it is noted on commentary that Bret is trying to end The Rattlesnake's career. JR, MID MAIN EVENT, informs us that Pillman and Sunny interviewed both Undertaker and Mankind on the Superstar Line. Figure four on the ringpost by Bret. Hebner doesn't enforce a count of any kind. Chair to the knee. No disqualification by Hebner. The fuck is going on? Maybe it is no DQ, but then why would they have done a ref bump earlier? Bret taunts the crowd, and a fan on the hard cam stands up and flips him the bird. Good stuff. Bret continues on the knee. Again, MID MAIN EVENT, we're shown footage of a squealing Bearer being hauled off on a stretcher. Bret removes Austin's knee brace and keeps going on the knee, in a rather brilliant spot. SCSA chokes Bret out with his wrist tape. HE'S THE GOD DAMN BABYFACE!!! Bret evades the middle rope elbow drop and goes back to the knee, absolutely unrelenting. A regular figure four is applied by The Hitman, but the pressure is eventually reversed. Bret gets to the ropes, and NOW Hebner enforces the five count. More knee work by Bret. They go back to the ringside brawling, and it ends up in the crowd once again. Austin goes for a big piledriver, but his leg gives out. Again, more knee work. Bret walks right into a turnbuckle flapjack by Austin, but he counters the Stunner by wrapping around the ropes and throwing him into the top turnbuckle. Bret goes for the Sharpshooter, but Austin hits him with the leg brace that's been laying in the ring this whole time. Stone Cold applies a Sharpshooter of his own. Again, no DQ called for the use of the leg brace right in front of the referee. Owen runs in to stop the Sharpshooter and gets clocked, as does Bulldog. They're thrown from ringside by more refs, and Austin goes back and applies another Sharpshooter! Bulldog comes back, however, and clocks Austin with a chair, and NOW there's a DQ. A third non-finish out of 5 matches. Get THE FUCK out of here with that. 

Austin wins by DQ and gets the title shot for In Your House 15. Bret goes to hit Austin with the ring bell, but Austin counters with a chair to Bret's knee and puts in yet another Sharpshooter. Officials pry Stone Cold off The Hitman while Owen and Bulldog come to Bret's aid. Without having recently seen their WrestleMania 13 match, I really liked this aside from the bad officiating and lack of a clean finish. Had I seen that recently, though, this would pale in comparison. Especially the terrible finish.

This. Show. Sucked. Let's review the finishes to the five matches, shall we? Disqualification by run-in, count out to retain the Intercontinental Championship, roll-up victory, clean pinfall, and another disqualification by run-in. I'll let that speak for itself. Disgraceful.

Match of the Night
Bret vs Austin

MVP
Owen Hart