Random Rasslin Ramblings 2 - Electric Boogaloo (WCW Monday Nitro 9/25/1995)

Random Rasslin Ramblings 2 - Electric Boogaloo (WCW Monday Nitro 9/25/1995)

Thanks to the fantastic Fruit Machine, this was the random episode of Nitro from 1995 that I had to watch for the 2nd installment of Random Rasslin Ramblings. I've never really seen much WCW, despite the fact that I owned a WCW blanket when I was little. I have gone back and watched some Nitros and PPVs from 97/98 and I've actually seen quite a bit from 2000 (for comedy purposes), but that's about it. Therefore, 1995 WCW is going to feel pretty foreign to me. 

First thing that leaped out at me: the commentary team. Eric Bischoff is the anchor, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan is the color guy, and.... MONGO FUCKIN' MCMICHAEL AND HIS GOD DAMN DOG ARE HERE TO MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE 100% OF THE TIME. That's all I have about that.

Alex Wright vs Disco Inferno

I was actually pretty delighted to see that the opening contest was between two people that I'm rather familiar with, but I was not delighted to see that this wasn't a dance competition. Before we get started with the match itself, I just have to get this off my chest: DISCO FEVAH, DISCO FEVAH, DISCO FEVAH, YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

I think I'm good now.

Disco has "Shake Your Booty" written across the ass of his tights, immediately jolting him near the top of my "ring gear" power rankings. They start it hot, as Das Wunderkind hits a few nice moves, including a perfect springboard dropkick that connects with Disco's lower back. Mongo is waaay too close to his McMichrophone (see what I did there), and it's making me want to jump off a cliff. Every time he speaks it sounds like he's eating into an Xbox headset. The next big portion of this match is spent with Disco on offense, working over Wright big time. It is now that I noticed how comically often Disco Inferno pats his hair in the ring. Really, it's pretty funny. With the action so slowed down and subdued with Disco on offense, the match mercifully ends when Das Wunderkind counters a swinging neckbreaker attempt into a backslide for the victory, but then doesn't even do his dance. Did he even do it in 1995? I genuinely don't know.

The match started pretty nicely, but Disco's offense was too slow, and he was on offense too long to wrestle that style and still keep me in the match. Bleh.

Interview with Jimmy Hart and Hulk Hogan

The difference between reviewing a TV episode like Nitro as opposed to the first RRR I did, IYH: Revenge of the Taker, is the increased amount of interview segments and promos. This one begins with a neckbraced Hulkster lifting the WCW World Heavyweight Championship with his neck muscles. (It's hard to explain.) He then informs us that the Hulkamaniacs aren't down and out, and that he has yet to miss a workout despite his injury. He describes in great detail how he recalls hearing the snap, crackle, and pop of his neck at the hands of The Giant. And then it gets good.

HE CHALLENGES THE GIANT TO THE INFAMOUS MONSTER TRUCK CHALLENGE.

NOW YOU WAIT JUST ONE FUCKING MINUTE...

THEY BILLED THE GIANT AS ANDRE'S SON????

Jesus Christ, I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about WCW before the nWo.

Anyway, Hogan says he'll bodyslam The Giant in Detroit, just like he did to "his father".

Macho Man Slim Jim Commercial

Can I just mention how fucking awesome it is that the Network kept this in? 

"People ask me what I like to snap best. Is it arms? Legs? No, I like a beefy, spicy Slim Jim! SNAP INTO ONE! OH YEAH!"

Mean Gene Okerlund Interviews Macho Man and Lex Luger

There's a recap of Macho Man and Luger's segment from the week prior. Both guys basically talk about how badly they want to be the WCW World Champion. The confrontation gets heated, but nothing comes of it. Now Macho Man calls Luger out. They're both in ring gear with Mean Gene between them. Lex Luger says that Macho Man lacks respect. Macho says he's not afraid of Luger, then accepts Luger's challenge for a match next week on Nitro. Luger puts his WCW Title shot on the line, then ups the ante even further by saying he'll leave WCW if he loses. Gee, I wonder who wins next week.

Kurasawa w/ Col. Parker vs Sgt. Craig Pittman

I've never seen either one of these two, but Kurasawa looks like fatter, shittier Shinsuke Nakamura. My first impression of Pittman is laughter, because he repeatedly yells "MAGGOTS" on his way to the ring. Kurasawa starts it off with some awfully stiff kicks, because, you know, he's a Japanese person in an American wrestling promotion. Kurasawa peels away the floor mats and back drops Pittman onto the concrete. 

"That splatted like grandma out of the wheelchair", states Mongo. 

I think I've seen that closed captioning screenshotted on twitter before.

Kurasawa is tossed over the top rope, and Bischoff is quick to point out that official Nick Patrick didn't disqualify Pittman. I forgot that was a thing in the NWA. So dumb. They're REALLY pushing the monster truck match for Halloween Havoc throughout this one. Pittman locks in a cross armbreaker, which is apparently his finisher. Kurasawa is able to get to the ropes. Kurasawa hits an awful bridged German suplex for a victory that includes a botched three count by Nick Patrick. 

You know when WWE makes fun of WCW and you think they're just making shit up? Stuff like this makes it seem like they're right.

Mean Gene Interviews Arn Anderson and Brian Pillman

THE FUCKING LADS. I'm honestly not sure I've ever seen anything cooler than Arn Anderson and Brian Pillman standing together in street clothes. Pillman cuts a really loud promo about Flair being "gutter slime". When Pillman turns around, his fanny pack catches my eye. The 90s were a time. "We're gonna exercise our right to hospitalize anybody that gets in our path. WOO!" <<<<<3 

Mean Gene questions how AA could do such a thing (not sure what he did) to a friend like Flair. Arn runs down all the horrible things Flair did to people for years, then explains that's why Flair can't find a partner to battle AA and Pillman.

Macho Man/Kevin Sullivan Promo

For some reason, they show a recap of Macho Man doing a bench press on the beach. Suddenly, he's assaulted by Kevin Sullivan. They will have a match tonight because of it. The fuck?

"The Taskmaster" Kevin Sullivan vs "Macho Man" Randy Savage

I refuse to stand for the BULLSHIT that is the WCW version of Pomp and Circumstance. Get your electric guitar the fuck out of here, Ted Turner. Bobby Heenan pretends that he stepped in Mongo's dog's shit. DID I MENTION MONGO HAS A SMALL DOG WITH HIM ON COMMENTARY? To this, Mongo says "now you're working, baby" to the dog. 

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE ZODIAC JUST POPPED UP AT RINGSIDE. Poor, poor Brutus Beefcake. Dustin Runnels has no right to complain about the Seven gimmick when Brutus Beefcake was not only a barber, but also a.... zebra unicorn?

Zodiac beats up Macho Man, allowing Sullivan to take advantage. Kevin Sullivan fucking sucks. Everything is sloppy, and Macho Man doesn't bother to sell for most of it. As he shouldn't. They brawl outside for almost two minutes consecutively. No count. Macho pulls Zodiac into the ring and shoves the referee who tries to break them up. He's subsequently DQ'd. He places Sullivan on top of Zodiac and drops the elbow, but Taskmaster moves.

WEEEEEEEEELLLLLLL, WELL IT'S THE... uh, Giant. It's the Giant.

Giant chokeslams the living shit out of Macho Man. 

A couple jobbers file out of the locker room, only to get chokeslammed by Paul Wight. The only jobber I recognized was Alex Wright. Luger runs out, and it's assumed on commentary that he's here to attack Savage while he's down. Instead, he goes to help Savage up, and he gets beaten up by The Giant as well. Sullivan gets enraged at The Giant for assaulting Luger for some reason.

Lex Luger vs Meng

THERE IS ALMOST NOTHING I LOVE MORE THAN MENG MATCHES. 

Luger is still in the ring after the beatdown, so Meng just comes out and beats the shit out of him. Meng works Luger over for the first few minutes of the match. Meng picks up a nearfall off a vicious-looking piledriver. Luger mounts a mini comeback, but he's shut down in a hurry. Luger comes back fully now, but Meng pulls a FREAKING SPIKE out of his kickpad and hits Luger in the throat with it for the victory. 

This match was pretty awful, but it had Meng in it, so I can't really complain.

Overall, this show was exactly what WWE would like you to believe WCW was. Nothing made sense, everything was a clusterfuck, and Mongo was at commentary. It was basically the newest episode of Botchamania. By itself.