The Divas Revolution

For almost a month now, one of the major storylines on WWE television has been the "Divas Revolution", which is the phrase they've been pushing to describe the feud between three teams of the main roster's best divas. The teams are, of course, Team Bella, consisting of Divas Champion Nikki Bella, her twin sister Brie Bella, and longtime main roster diva Alicia Fox. Challenging them are Team PCB, Paige, Charlotte, and Becky Lynch, along with Team B.A.D (Beautiful And Dangerous), that being made up of former NXT Women's Champion Sasha Banks, Naomi, and Tamina Snuka. When this angle first began, Stephanie McMahon brought out Charlotte and Becky Lynch on RAW to join Paige in her struggle against Team Bella, then Sasha Banks was introduced to join Naomi and Tamina. The first segment with the much-anticipated debut of three of NXT's best wrestlers caused plenty of buzz and excitement initially, as is to be expected. But since then, not only has the excitement died down, but the overall feeling amongst fans has become that this is far from a Revolution. In fact, most seem to think that it's just the same thing they'd been doing with divas, but dragged out to longer, and therefore less enjoyable segments on Monday Night RAW. These segments and matches have been a point of controversy in the last few weeks, causing a rift between fans who participate in random chants during divas matches and those who are strongly against the assertion that paying fans should be allowed to do whatever they want at wrestling shows. While I'm not necessarily going to argue on that point, I am going to try and dissect the issues with the Divas Revolution, as well as try to explain, whether it's to the readers or just myself, what exactly has gone wrong and why it has done so.

As I mentioned previously, all three of Becky Lynch, Charlotte, and Sasha Banks are from NXT. As I'm sure almost everybody reading this is aware, NXT is WWE's developmental system. Almost like minor league wrestling, despite the fact that they are bigger than almost every wrestling company not named WWE. One of the major things that fans revere NXT for is their treatment of the women's division, something that has been seriously neglected by WWE for nearly the entire existence of the company. Rather than seeing great female athletes put on phenomenal wrestling matches, WWE spent 20 years having these women strip down to lingerie and wrestle in pools of mud. Although there was a period where this halted, for the most part, this is how WWE viewed and marketed their female talent, otherwise known on TV as "divas". NXT, however, has a much more niche audience than WWE. Typically, a NXT viewer is a more hardcore wrestling fan. Somebody who has watched for a long time in most instances, and somebody who is at least fairly familiar with wrestling tropes and traditions. So to those fans, most of whom have seen fantastic women's wrestling elsewhere in the world, watching these women put on fantastic matches under the WWE umbrella was an incredible breath of fresh air. It came to the point where Sasha Banks was possibly the most over person on NXT's roster, which included names like Neville, Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens, and current NXT Champion Finn Balor. The main example of the NXT crowd's immense appreciation and adoration for the women's division at NXT came after Sasha Banks defeated Becky Lynch for the NXT Women's Title at Takeover: Unstoppable. The crowd watched Becky Lynch, who had been through a brutally physical match and came up just short, with tears in her eyes, get back to her feet, selling the damage that had been inflicted upon her arm throughout the match. They proceeded to sing her theme song. It could be argued that Becky was the fourth most popular woman at NXT at the time. THAT is how over the women were at Full Sail.

NXT has never had a bra and panties match. The people that fill Full Sail twice a month for a round of tapings have been given no reason to come to expect degradation and objectification of women in that ring. Meanwhile, WWE used bra and panties matches often enough in the mid-2000s that the match type found its way into multiple WWE-licensed video games, and was even one of the selling points of a few of them. Therefore, the fans that have been watching WWE long enough to remember them are rolling their eyes at the thought of Nikki Bella having a 15-minute title defense against Charlotte, because they'd rather just see Nikki's Instagram come to life right before them in the middle of the ring. And while they may not be outright chanting for the divas to get naked, they're certainly not paying any attention to anything the divas do short of undressing one another. This is one of the major issues I see as far as crowd reception of the Divas Revolution goes.

However, WWE hasn't done themselves any favors in the way the crowd is receiving their Revolution. With three teams of three, they have completely handcuffed themselves in the way they can book this. Having to fit nine divas onto the show every night has led to multiple tag team matches, and everybody trading wins every week. Therefore, nobody has really emerged as a contender for Nikki Bella's Divas Championship, and she hasn't defended it in nearly two months. Without a Championship to compete over, the Revolution simply comes off as meaningless. This could have been avoided by spreading out the debuts of the three divas, and not tossing them into stables right off the bat. However, it did seem like last week's RAW segments were their way of trying to launch someone from PCB into a title match with Nikki Bella, most likely at Night of Champions. But then, because of how they set up this feud, Team B.A.D was left off the show entirely, which ultimately sabotaged the 6-person tag between Team Bella and Team PCB with chants of "We Want Sasha". Furthermore, with the exception of post-show Fallout Interviews and appearances on commentary, Monday Night was the first time since the angle began that any of these women got an extended amount of time to speak on the mic. And although I wouldn't say PCB exactly made the most of that opportunity, it was good for the direction of the feud and the progression towards a Divas Championship match for NOC.

I don't know what WWE is planning on doing to combat the crowd rejection and disinterest in the Divas Revolution, but I can only hope it isn't just pulling the angle altogether and going back to square one with it. When the #GiveDivasAChance movement first began on twitter, I said that I didn't really care for the main roster divas as they stood at that point, but would fully support the movement for the future. And now, with my favorite wrestler, Sasha Banks, most likely being phased out of NXT soon and moving exclusively to the main roster, I wouldn't be able to handle her in three minute matches every week, getting minimal opportunities to speak and display her brilliant character. But, with how WWE works, should the crowd continue to not be receptive to the increased screen time of these women, that's probably where they would be headed. So, for my sake, WWE, please figure out a solution to what is being done wrong. If they could get me from the point where I changed the channel or went to the bathroom during divas segments to the point where my favorite wrestler is a woman, then they could get some crusty old man to at least stop thirsting over Nikki Bella's boobs and pay attention to the wrestling presented to him. But until they do that, The Revolution will be... complained about online.

Random Rasslin Ramblings 3: WCW Slamboree 1998

Random Rasslin Ramblings 3: WCW Slamboree 1998

With help from twitter suggestions and the fruit machine, this was the pay-per-view I got to review for the third RRR. Like I said last time I reviewed WCW, I've never really seen much. However, going through this show, I noticed that I have actually seen quite a few clips from this PPV, which I'll obviously get into later. Since I have nothing else to add, from Worcester, Massachusetts (the worst town name in America for pronunciation purposes), it's Slamboree 1998!

Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan are on commentary, and they make quick mention of the possibility of Scott Hall no-showing tonight's Tag Team Championship match (which is the main event). Heenan notes that Nash has promised Hall's going to be there. They also recap Eric Bischoff reading a letter on Thunder from "Vince McMahon's attorney". It is now that I realize that HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE SHOW WITH THE MCMAHON VS BISCHOFF MATCH.

Outside, Bischoff's head of security stands and waits with a backstage pass for Vinny Mac. He's amongst some fans, and he tries to push a very anti-WWF agenda. Hilariously, one of these fans is shown on camera wearing an Austin 3:16 shirt.

WCW Television Title Match - Chris Benoit vs Fit Finlay (c)

Finally, we reach the opening match. I expect nothing but STIFFNESS, and my wishes are granted early on as Benoit leathers Finlay with a chop. But they change up the pace, trading holds while Schiavone explains why they refer to Finlay as "Fit". Apparently it's because he's so adept at other athletic endeavors. There's a short pinning sequence and a little mat wrestling, and the crowd begins to chant "Finlay sucks". It's incredible a guy with a mullet like Benoit's got so over. Speaking of Benoit, he connects with more chops in the corner. MY chest is turning red. Finlay comes back, however, and grounds Benoit on the outside with a hard clothesline. This is when the match gets sloooooooooow. 

Finlay just keeps Benoit on the mat, but eventually a chinlock is countered into an electric chair. Unfortunately, Finlay stays on the offensive. The pace slows back down, and Finlay grabs more holds. On the outside, Finlay grabs a chair, but Benoit smacks him with said chair. Nick Patrick doesn't disqualify Benoit for blatant steel chair use. Not a fan of that. A suicide dive by Benoit is countered with a chair shot. Also not a DQ. As much as I hate the ignorant officiating, at least I finally know where Jericho and Benoit got the idea for that Royal Rumble 2001 spot now!

Benoit goes for the triple German Suplexes, but the second one is countered as Finlay runs him throat-first into the top rope. Finlay goes back on the advantage, until a short-arm lariat attempt is reversed into the Crossface. Finlay is able to get to the ropes, though. Benoit goes up top for the Headbutt, but Booker T comes out and they argue as he steps off the top rope and to the floor. During the argument, Finlay hits Benoit with a baseball slide. They exchange strikes in the ring, but Finlay takes over and plants Benoit with a jumping Tombstone for the victory. The match wasn't too bad, but it was pitifully slow at times. Also, quite selfishly, I would've preferred it to be more stiff.

Brian Adams w/ Vincent vs Lex Luger

I heard the nWo theme and got really excited. Then Brian Adams and Vincent came out. Fuck this. Luger is apparently defending the honor of Rick Steiner, who was injured at the hands of Scott Steiner and the nWo. Early on, Luger hits a Coconut Crush on Vincent and Adams. A sequence of slow, awful moves ensues, with Luger mainly focusing on Adams' shoulder due to the nWo's attack causing an injury on Rick Steiner's shoulder. Cool story, I suppose. Lex essentially kicks the living shit out of Adams for two or three minutes. More bad moves to the shoulder, and eventually Adams works himself back into the match via a distraction by Vincent. Adams hits a pretty awesome piledriver, but Luger's bad selling doesn't do the moves any favors. They go back-and-forth again, and it culminates in a woeful double clothesline spot.

Vincent is knocked off the apron, and Adams taps out to a Torture Rack almost out of nowhere. This is one of the worst matches I've ever had the displeasure of viewing, but still not the worst match I've ever seen Brian Adams involved in. So congratulations to you, Mr. Adams.

Saturn Promo

Sitting by himself in a dark room, Saturn says there'll be no gauntlet match tonight (apparently The Flock is supposed to face Goldberg for the US Title?), and he tells The Flock that if they have an issue with it, they know where to find him. He says that ever since he came to WCW under Raven's wing, it's been all about Raven. "What about Saturn?" he says. He then claims that he'll take out Goldberg, and not even Raven can stop him. This would have come off better if Saturn didn't have such a silly voice, but it was still pretty cool.

Cruiserweight Battle Royal

It starts with my favorite wrestler of all time, Chris Jericho, cutting a promo. He runs down fucking EVERYBODY. I guess whoever wins gets a shot at Jericho's Cruiserweight Title. Y2J being considered a cruiserweight is super weird. To make things even better, Jericho does all the wrestlers introductions. Highlights include:

"From El Paso, Mexico... he's the scourge of the illustrious Guerrero family, Chavo Guerrero Jr.!"

"From selling chimichangas on the streets to WCW, CICLOPE!"

"He can't afford a mask so he's wearing paint, DAMIEN!"

"His name is Kidman, and Kidman, I've got some calamine lotion for you after the show."

"This guy is Silver King, if he wins twelve more matches in WCW he'll be upgraded to Golden King."

Utter chaos ensues, because battle royal. I feel as though it is worth noting on its own that MARTY GOD DAMN JANNETTY is in this match. Evan Karagias is eliminated first, but did any of the other fourteen people in this match get mentioned in Madusa's Hall of Fame speech? That's what I thought. 3 Count forever. Nothing interesting happens, as is a battle royal tradition. This is mostly due to the fact that there's too many people in the ring, and therefore no room for lucha moves. The good thing about battle royals is that it gives me a good opportunity to make observations about lower-card wrestlers. For instance, I noticed that Lenny Lane looks like what would happen if somebody deflated Lex Luger's muscles.

As more eliminations occur, so do more lucha moves and the action picks up. The final five in the match are Chavo Guerrero, Juventud Guerrera, Psicosis, Kidman, and Ciclope. Chavo is eliminated, and shortly thereafter Psicosis eliminates himself with a missed crossbody. Juventud gets rid of Kidman, but then eliminates himself as Ciclope unmasks to reveal DEAN MALENKO! This is one of the clips that I had seen on YouTube before, and the pop never gets quieter. Shockingly, the crowd in Worcester of all places was rabid all night, as Jericho almost shits himself and the Cruiserweight Title match immediately gets underway.

WCW Cruiserweight Title Match - Chris Jericho (c) vs Dean Malenko

House of fire to start by Malenko, which leads into a pretty good wrestling sequence, but it ends abruptly with a few hard strikes by Malenko. Juvi stays at ringside to cheer for Malenko, and the commentators make note of it. Anything going on there....? 

Malenko wrestling in Ciclope gear but no mask for this long looks hilariously absurd. Jericho takes control and taunts the crowd, yelling "THIS IS A CONSPIRACY" to rile up the sea of humanity, who oblige him with heavy boos and a "Jericho sucks" chant. Y2J gets a really close nearfall with the classic cocky pin, while the announcers continue to play up Juventud staying at ringside as a show of respect for Malenko. Definitely no shenanigans...

Fireman's Carry Gutbuster off the top rope by Malenko looks AMAZING. Off that move, he puts in the Texas Cloverleaf. I absolutely adore that move. Jericho gets dragged away from the ropes, and taps out. Shockingly, there is no Juventud swerve, as Malenko points to the heavens for his deceased father. Good wrestling, but the match shouldn't have gone on so long with Malenko in Ciclope gear AFTER a big return and a battle royal. Still, the match itself was stellar.

Backstage, the "Vinny Mac Cam" shows us a limousine arriving at the building. They speculate that it's Vince, and they also fire a shot at Jim Ross.

Bowery Death Cage Match - Diamond Dallas Page vs Raven
So the idea of this match is that it's basically a last man standing match inside of a roofed cage. Not a hell in a cell though, because the cage is tight to the ring. There are also trash cans on each post that are full of weapons. Damn, Raven was the coolest. I wish WWE would have done more with him. I'm pretty excited for this match just on paper on account of how much of a fan I am of both these guys. DDP controls a slugfest, but gets tossed face-first into one of the trash cans in the corner. Raven pulls down one of these cans and dumps out the weapons. He then does the same with another can, littering the mat with weapons before whiffing on a bullrope shot. DDP takes hold of the rope and wraps it around Raven's neck, then uses it to throw him into the cage. Apparently this bullrope came into play at Spring Stampede. Hooray for continuity!

DDP strings the rope through the top of the cage and essentially hangs Raven with it. No need for that, to be honest, as Raven gets up at a count of eight. DDP grabs hold of a VCR and smashes it over Raven's head. This prompts Bobby Heenan to make multiple VCR-related jokes. Raven kicks DDP into a trash can, and the back of his head smashes a dent in it. This leads to a cavalcade of weapon attacks by Raven, but he just can't keep DDP down for the count. The official is driven into the trash can, and everybody's out. Not sure why there's a need for a ref bump in a no holds barred match, though. DDP catches Raven with a drop-toehold onto a steel chair, which is one of Raven's own moves.

At this point, The Flock rushes out and assaults members of the riot squad that Raven entered with. Then The Flock opens the cage door with bolt cutters. Out from under the ring comes Van Hammer, who attacks The Flock with a stop sign. The cage door is still open as DDP unloads with right hands on Raven in the corner. The riot squad enters the cage and assaults DDP, but they remove their helmets to reveal that they are Kidman and Horace Boulder! DDP gives Boulder the Diamond Cutter, and one for Kidman as well who was hanging on the top of the cage. Raven clocks DDP with a fire extinguisher, then an Evenflow that the camera misses completely. The ref recovers and DDP gets up at eight. They trade right hands, but a low blow and a Diamond Cutter by RAVEN drop DDP!

Page recovers at nine, and gets Raven out of nowhere with the Diamond Cutter! With both men down, DDP is able to get to his feet at nine, picking up the victory. Raven probably should've won with all the help he received, but it was super hectic and a lot of fun. After the match, a riot squad member handcuffs all the Flock members to the cage, and reveals himself to be Mortis after throwing Raven into the cage and handcuffing him to it. Mortis then unmasks for the first time. WHOOOO BETTA DEN KANYOOOOOON??? Kanyon then crushes a defenseless Raven with an unprotected chair shot to the head. I mean he absolutely blasts him. It was hard to watch.

We come back to the Vinny Mac cam. They're really milking this joke for more than it's worth now. Security has a sheet with pictures of people to look out for. Included are McMahon, Austin and DX. It's taking them a while to clean up after the chaotic cage match, so they stall and talk about the night's events thus far.

Ultimo Dragon vs Eddy Guerrero w/ Chavo Guerrero Jr.
The story coming into this match is that if Ultimo Dragon wins, Chavo gets to stop being Eddy's bitch. I expect a Chavo swerve, which wouldn't make sense. But it's WCW so oh well. They kick it off with an awesome wrestling sequence, which is to be expected from two wrestlers of their caliber. It's fast and smooth. Eddy ducks the rapid fire kicks and drops Dragon with a dropkick. Eddy slows it down a little now, being that he is the heel. But that only lasts so long, as Ultimo gets the match back to the fast action. No complaints. Eddy stalls as Ultimo frustrates him with more kicks and a half crab. Ultimo then switches the half crab to an Indian Deathlock as my "favorite wrestling moves" siren is blaring.

Ultimo is on the receiving end of a thumb to the eye, and loses his grip on the match. Eddy hits a gigantic clothesline and a stiff kick to the spine. He looks absolutely pissed and it couldn't be better. Ultimo is tossed to the floor, then whipped into the guard rail and choked with a TV cable. Chavo and Little Naitch yell at Eddy to cut the shit. Eddy smacks Chavo around as a result, then drags Dragon BY THE MASK back into the ring. Little things like that are what make Eddy the best. I would be remiss to just talk about the in-ring action in a match where the story is so compelling on its own. The dynamic between Chavo managing Eddy but cheering for Ultimo Dragon to win makes for an interesting story, and one where I want to know what might come of it.

Ultimo gets more aggressive and connects with a moonsault for two. Tornado DDT caps a nice exchange in favor of Eddy. That's Chavo's move, which is mentioned on commentary. Eddy misses a Frog Splash, and Ultimo quickly jumps into La Magistral for two. Eddy manages to catch Ultimo out of an asai moonsault, but Ultimo turns it into a Dragon Sleeper. Eddy is able to counter yet again, trying for a rope-assisted pin this time, but Chavo throws his legs off the ropes. Eddy gets in his face. Eddy slaps his nephew around, and ducks a spinning heel kick by Ultimo, who clobbers Chavo. Brainbuster and Frog Splash by Eddy puts Ultimo Dragon away.

Chavo goes berserk after the match, and attacks Ultimo. Called it. It makes sense with Eddy winning, though. Eddy ends up telling Chavo to calm down, and offers his chin to his nephew. Chavo can't bring himself to hit family, and Eddy, being the asshole he is, forces Chavo to kiss him on the cheek rather than punch him there.

They show a locker room prepared for Vincent Kennedy McMahon as the last match exits the ring.

United States Title Match - Goldberg (c) vs Saturn
At this point, Goldberg is 87-0. That's not too shabby. Unfortunately, though, he did not utilize his proper entrance, with the security escort and walk to the ring. It's crazy just how over Goldberg is. It's pointed out by Tony Schiavone that almost 80% of fan posters at this event are Goldberg signs, and he might not be wrong. It's hard to believe that a midcard champion can be the most over person on the roster, but Goldberg had to have been at least damn close. I guess I never gave Saturn enough credit, because he was far more muscled up than I remembered him being. Goldberg powers Saturn around, so Saturn tries some wrestling holds to counteract the size and strength advantage. Goldberg thwarts Saturn's plans, though, with a very impressive Gorilla Press Powerslam. He follows it up with a regular Gorilla Press Slam, and then a bad-looking clothesline.

Saturn rolls to the outside and cuts off Goldberg as they get back in. Saturn lays into Goldberg with strikes in teh corner, but then makes the mistake of slapping him across the face. This simply infuriates Goldberg. However, Saturn stays on top, driving Goldberg shoulder-first into the ringpost, He capitalizes on Goldberg's injured shoulder with an amazing spinning heel kick off the top rope, and tries to keep him on the mat with various holds, but Goldberg basically no sells all that stuff. Saturn doesn't lose the advantage though, as he gets in a good amount of offense, most notably a beautiful overhead exploder suplex.

Saturn gets a steel chair, and uses it to springboard himself into a dropkick to Goldberg's lower back. He tries again, and gets the absolute shit Speared out of him. After that, the Jackhammer and pinfall are academic. One of the better Goldberg matches I've ever seen, even if it was mostly Saturn putting in the work. Nothing much to complain about.

Raven cuts a cool promo, shitting on American traditions to promote the Great American Bash.

Eric Bischoff vs Vince McMahon
Michael Buffer does the ring announcing for this match, which is insane when you realize how much he charges per appearance. It's a shitload. Buffer lists Bischoff's various accomplishments, and obviously, McMahon doesn't come out. They declare Bischoff winner by forfeit. It was a pretty good idea in theory to poke fun at WWF, but the whole thing was super drawn out and made into more of an event than it needed to be.

"Macho Man" Randy Savage vs Bret "The Hitman" Hart
First and foremost, fuck everything about Bret Hart's WCW theme. Kill it with acid. Rowdy Roddy Piper comes out after Bret, and apparently he's the referee! I love the nWo theme and everything, but Macho Man coming out to anything other than Pomp and Circumstance just feels wrong, no matter how cool he looks in the Wolfpac red and black. Bret and Piper have a shoving match early, as Savage dominates the action despite not doing anything special. Bret takes over now, but it's still just basic offense. Bret misses with the steel steps on the outside, then gets whipped into them by Macho Man. They brawl through the crowd, as Piper continues to yell that he'll let them fight. There's a major problem here, as there isn't a path through the crowd like they always had in WWF. So not only can they not really do anything in their brawl, the cameras can't distinguish them from the moshpit of fans they're stuck in.

It doesn't take long before they return from the crowd, probably realizing it was a bad idea. Bret goes after Macho Man's bad knee for the first time in the match with stomps and elbows. Tony Schiavone mentions that Scott Hall has just arrived to the building while Bret jumps on Macho Man's injured leg. Piper gets physical with Hart to pull him off Savage in the corner, but Bret just goes right back to dissecting the leg. Savage kicks out of a wicked piledriver, and Hart gets in Piper's face to complain about a slow count. Hart delays before going for the cover off a DDT, and Savage kicks out at two yet again. Bret goes up to, of course, Bret's rope, but nobody's home for the elbow drop.

Macho Man limps around, rallying with a snap suplex for two. He heads up top for the Macho Elbow, and connects! He grabs his knee and rolls around before pinning for a very close nearfall. Bret hits a headbutt to the gut and locks in the Sharpshooter. Miss Elizabeth runs out! This distraction helps Macho Man put in a Sharpshooter of his own! Bret is able to get to the ropes, as Elizabeth comes in and shoves Piper for whatever reason. Then, Savage comes over and shoves Piper for arguing with Elizabeth. Hart gets Savage with a low blow while Piper is dealing with Elizabeth, and clocks Piper. Macho Man confiscates a foreign object from Bret that he used to hit Piper, but Hollywood Hogan comes out and assaults Macho Man's knee!

Another Sharpshooter is applied, as Piper finds the foreign object in Savage's hand. Piper disqualifies him, and Bret Hart picks up the victory. This was a complete mess, and not a very entertaining one. Too much stuff that commentary didn't bother explaining, and just too much stuff in general.

WCW Tag Team Title Match - The Outsiders w/ Dusty Rhodes (c) vs Sting and The Giant
Not sure how they ended up here, but Sting is teaming with nWo Hollywood's Giant. Wolfpac attire, but no Wolfpac theme for Hall and Nash. Regardless, they are the coolest tag team ever. Hall cuts a promo, and the crowd pops when he goes "Hey, yo". He asks the fans if they're here to see Dubya See Dubya, and they boo. He then asks if they're here to see the nWo. They cheer loudly. It's weird that despite The Giant being heel and The Outsiders being babyfaces, they came out to the same entrance theme. The idea being played up at commentary is that should Giant and Sting win the titles, Sting will have to decide whether or not to join nWo Hollywood.

Hall starts in the ring with Sting, and Sting takes a toothpick to the face. Hall hits a decent Chokeslam, and stomps around like Frankenstein to mock The Giant on the apron. Nash comes in to stop the Scorpion Deathlock, and Sting beats up both Outsiders. Hall tags in Nash as a response to Sting tagging in The Giant, and they go at it. Nash gains the advantage on The Giant, and goes for a Jackknife that's countered. Nash continues to beat him down, though. A big corner clothesline and a boot by Giant, who then does the Hogan hand-to-ear taunt.

There's three faces in this match, so the crowd doesn't really know what to do when Sting's in the ring with one of The Outsiders. Sting gets clobbered with a big boot by Nash, who tags in Hall. Hall goes to work on Sting, and catches him out of a crossbody to connect with the Fallaway Slam. They continue to double team Sting, and Hall gives Giant the spooky fingers taunt. Nash crotch chops towards The Giant before beating on Sting in the corner, infuriating the big man on the outside. Hall puts Sting in an abdominal stretch and, as the heel in this situation, holds hands with Nash for leverage. Sting is stuck in the stretch for a LONG time, but counters out eventually with a hip toss followed by an elbow drop that doesn't hit.

Hall tags in Big Sexy, who drops Sting with a leaping Sidewalk Slam for two. Sting lunges towards his corner for the tag, but he's caught in a bear hug. After letting the arm drop twice, Sting gets out of the bear hug with headbutts and a forehead bite, tagging in The Giant. It is now that I realize that the booking seems backwards here, as babyface Sting makes the hot tag to the only heel in the whole match. Either way, The Giant pummels Big Kev, and hits him with a Hollywood Hogan leg drop for a nearfall. The Giant drops the strap on his singlet before heading up to the top rope. He leaps off with a Superfly Splash, but Nash is able to avoid it and Giant hits the mat with thunderous impact. Dusty slides one of the tag belts into the ring and goes to distract the referee, while Nash drops his own straps. Hall sneaks in the ring and grabs the belt Dusty left there, as Nash tries to hoist The Giant up for the Jackknife. Hall whacks Nash in the back with the belt, and Giant gets the three count!

Hall and Dusty go over to Giant and Sting to present them with the tag belts, as Hall has appeared to join nWo Hollywood. Sting doesn't move from the apron, staring a death gaze at Hall and The Giant with the tag belt resting on his shoulder, unsure what to make of the situation presented before him. The match was formulaic but in a good way, and it's always cool to see the tag belts main eventing a PPV. Maybe it's just me being jaded about WCW though, but I totally saw this swerve coming. There was no way a WCW PPV was ending with a clean finish.

Overall, the show was enjoyable and had a couple memorable moments. Outside of the Luger match, there's nothing I can point to and say to definitely avoid no matter what, but outside of Eddy/Ultimo there's also nothing I would really recommend as a must-watch. However, there was a lot more good than bad. There's a lot worse ways to spend three hours.

WrestleMania 31 Review

I'm very aware that it's Tuesday and WrestleMania was two nights ago. I'm also aware that I didn't finish my 7 Days of WrestleMania series (even though nobody cares) because I have responsibilities and shit. But I'm going to do a WrestleMania review anyway because I wanted to get my full thoughts out there if for no other reason than so I don't have to send 100 tweets about them, and also because nobody gives a single fuck about what I put on this blog. Without further ado...

WrestleMania 31

Pre-Show: Cesaro and Tyson Kidd w/ Natalya def. Los Matadores w/ El Torito, New Day w/ Xavier Woods & The Usos w/ Naomi

FUN. As much as I wasn't a big fan of them doing another multi-team Tag Title match on the pre-show, four corners tag matches have become somewhat of a WrestleMania staple. And this is one of the best I've ever seen. The action was chaotic, but good enough that I was able to completely disregard the fact that the referee did nothing to keep order because of how cool the spots were. They somehow found a way to come up with new tag team moves to do. I won't complain about the reign of Cesaro and Tyson Kidd continuing, either. Especially if it means we get to keep seeing Natty in dominatrix gear. Oh, also: why don't we all call them Uppercats? Anyway, yeah. Good stuff. 

Pre-Show: Big Show wins Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Usually, battle royals are boring until the last one or two. That just wasn't the case here. Not only did WWE develop stories within the bounds of an absolute clusterfuck, but they had some great moments as well. They genuinely made me want to see a few different people win. But, wrestling is about building expectations, denying expectations, and then proceeding to meet those expectations. This match was one in which the expectations were denied, when Big Show came out with the victory. NOTICE: you aren't SUPPOSED to be happy about Big Show winning. He is a heel. He is doing his job well. It's honestly kinda nice to see a battle royal where a big guy who everyone claims is the favorite actually wins since it never ever happens. And it's great that Show has another accolade under his belt. He's one of the most underappreciated wrestlers of all time.

Daniel Bryan def. Bad News Barrett, Dolph Ziggler, Dean Ambrose, Stardust, Luke Harper and R-Truth to win the Intercontinental Championship

I think this is a match that suffered due to the brilliance of the multi-man mayhem matches on the pre-show as well as the fact that there's two Money in the Bank matches every year. Don't get me wrong, a lot of amazing things happened in the match, but really nothing that I hadn't seen some variation of before and nothing that made me leap out of my seat. However, I'm excited for Bryan's IC Title reign. He looks incredible with that belt, like it belongs with him. It was effective in getting the crowd ready for the rest of the show, but it just wasn't anything spectacular to me.

Randy Orton def. Seth Rollins

Let me get this out of the way: ORTON IN ELBOWPADS OH MY GOOOOOODDDD

Ok, now that I've gained my composure, I think that was a very intentional nod at Orton's previous "Legend Killer" gimmick. But rather than taking out the past, he took out the future in Seth Rollins. This whole match was just a pleasure to watch. Orton doesn't get nearly as much credit as he deserves for just how great of a wrestler he is. It's no secret, however, of Seth Rollins' ability in the ring, and it was on full display at WrestleMania. Everything was crisp, and although the finish wasn't the Phoenix Splash countered into a RKO that we all thirsted for, it was pretty damn impressive in and of itself. Apparently Seth Rollins is a character from a platformer, because he double jumped. Unfortunately, Randy Orton isn't a Goomba, and Rollins paid for his mistake with the greatest RKO of all time. Somewhere, Evan Bourne reads this statement and weeps. (Okay, he probably doesn't read this. But still.)

Triple H def. Sting

Of course this wasn't some workrate masterpiece, but I don't think a single person didn't go nuts at the ridiculous run-ins. The Game was as good as usual, and Sting was better than I assumed he would be, so no complaints there, but the real highlights of the match were the cameos and over-the-top absurdity involved in the finish. Realistic or not, Sting busting HHH's sledgehammer with his bat was badass, and Triple H narrowly defeating The Icon essentially because he has more friends that occasionally make WWE appearances was a perfectly acceptable reason for Triple H to BURY STING. 

No, just kidding. Sting is clearly going to hang around for another appearance or two based off RAW last night, so only the future can tell what will happen with The Franchise of WCW. But seriously, this was so radically different from anything else on the card, in a good way. Highlights include Kevin Nash gripping at his quad and Scott Hall taking a bump. If that's not the best damn advertisement for DDP Yoga there's ever been, then I don't know what is. 

AJ Lee and Paige def. The Bella Twins

It was... alright, but nobody in the match did anything that would set it over the top. I would consider it an average match at best. This was kind of an easy way to have AJ go over the champion without the belt changing hands, and I just wonder why this couldn't have been done on RAW, with a fatal four way at Mania. Whatever. Nothing too bad, but nothing particularly great either. Just not much to talk about.

John Cena def. Rusev w/ Lana to win the United States Championship

So... Rusev came out in a tank. Unfortunately, the tank did not stick around until the next night on RAW. Oh well, the track jacket lives! As far as the match goes, it was about as good as their match at Fast Lane, which was pretty great by itself. No problems with Cena finally ending Rusev's reign of terror, and this match leaves some interesting cards on the table. What will Rusev do without Lana? What will Lana do without Rusev? Who will Cena defend the US Title against? Why didn't Cena come out on the wings of a bald eagle? Where the fuck was Vladimir Putin? WHEN WILL CENA PHOTOSHOP RUSEV'S HEAD ONTO AN ACTUAL BEAR?

Final note: dat springboard stunner.

The Undertaker def. Bray Wyatt

Within the parameters of The Undertaker's physical abilities, this was a good match. However, I wasn't as much of a fan as some of the decisions that were made when this match was being written, and that has nothing to do with who won. He's the fucking Undertaker. Of course he wins. 

First and foremost, I don't like that Bray melted when Undertaker sat up, and not the other way around. Had Taker put on a look of fear, Bray would look much better than he does today. Secondly, Bray simply should've gotten more offense in. He spent at least 75% of the match getting worked over by Taker, who, despite looking much better than he did at WrestleMania 30, is still an old-looking man. Whatever. I'm just griping. The ambiance struggled due to California's stupid time zone, but this was mostly good. 

Seth Rollins def. Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

I'm not sure what more can be said about the match other than it was twenty minutes of two hosses beating the bejeezus out of each other, only for some smarmy cunt with mismatched hair to run out and steal the title. Rollins is the best. Brock is the best. Reigns is the best. This whole thing was the best. Wrestling is the best. 

7 Days of WrestleMania: Day 4

Today's edition of 7 Days of WrestleMania will be significantly less interesting to most people than the first three. After much debate, the list for today will be the four best stages in WrestleMania history. I'm a sucker for the presentation element of professional wrestling. That's one of the biggest things that draws me to WWE over other companies, and the stage can really make a show feel more important. This year, every PPV stage was just the RAW stage, which sucks, but it's built my hype to see the WrestleMania 31 stage to a ridiculous level. Just like last time, there will be three honorable mentions to go along with the actual list.

Honorable Mention - WrestleMania 28

Any stage in an outdoor wrestling stadium gets bonus points, but this one especially. I don't know if it's the fact that it's obscenely large, or that the backdrop is just gigantic minitrons, but something about this stage felt impressive. And once it got dark in Miami that night, the stage looked even better. 

Honorable Mention - WrestleMania 24

The sort of skyscraper look they achieved at WrestleMania 24 was also attempted at WrestleMania 22, but the major difference is that Mania 24 was held in an outdoor venue. It reminded me of some kind of big movie theater, and the placement of the trons looked great. And, for whatever reason, I love it when part of the stage overhangs above the stage (see: No Way Out 2000, SummerSlam 2008).

Honorable Mention - WrestleMania 29

THE BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!! This one is an honorable mention, but I considered putting it anywhere from 4th to 1st on my list. There's not much else to be said about it.

#4 - WrestleMania 10

The more often I can see the entrance stage on the hard camera, the better. Sure, WrestleMania 20 took place at the Garden as well, but rather than utilizing the hard camera entrance, they put up a tron screen and made their own stage, cutting out half of the area for the crowd. WrestleMania 10's stage may not have looked as grandiose as some others, but the fact that it's MSG and they actually used the proper entrance puts it on the list.

#3 - WrestleMania 19

Ignoring the mind-bogglingly long entrance ramp, the Mania 19 stage always pleased my eyes. Maybe it's something OCD-ish, but the ascending order of the tron screens is gorgeous. Also, putting the screens on the ground directly behind the wrestlers is always great for entrances like Jericho's, where he poses with his tron as the background. 

#2 - WrestleMania 30

When I first saw the stage, I thought "oh, that's pretty cool." Then, I noticed that the X's on the top of the ramp were minitrons. I almost cried tears of joy. The sheer size and obnoxiousness of the stage combined with the fact that EVERYTHING WAS A FUCKING MINITRON was insane, especially during entrances like Orton's and Triple H's. 

#1 - WrestleMania 26

IT WAS A BIG FUCKIN CASTLE MADE OF MINITRONS. WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SAY?

7 Days of WrestleMania: Day 3

Welcome to the third installment of 7 Days of WrestleMania! This one is sure to spark discussion, because it's my top five matches in WrestleMania history! Unlike my first two lists, the same wrestler will be eligible to make the list more than once (SPOILER: one wrestler makes more than one appearance). This was, undoubtedly, the most difficult list to compose yet. I wanted to have about fifteen honorable mentions, but I limited myself to just three. So, if one of your favorite Mania matches didn't end up even as an honorable mention, either your wrestling tastes suck or I just didn't want to write out an honorable mention blurb for it. Anyway, on to the list.

Honorable Mention - Daniel Bryan vs Triple H w/ Stephanie McMahon (WrestleMania 30)

This, by a VERY slim margin, is my second favorite opening match in WrestleMania history. The way they managed to keep the finish unpredictable despite most of us believing we knew that Bryan was going to win was marvelous, and the wrestling in the match was just flat-out unbelievable. Those who don't think Triple H is one of the greatest wrestlers of all time are insane, and we all knew Bryan would be able to bring it. Also, I think the finish itself was a thing of beauty. Rather than most WWE matches, there was no big angle to close the match. It was just a simple wrestling sequence that Bryan got the better of. Brilliant.

Honorable Mention - Edge w/ Lita vs Mick Foley (WrestleMania 22)

It's very possible that this is the match I've seen the most times throughout my life. It's short, and boy is it sweet. There's never been a more perfect match to put somebody over, and while I'm typically not a fan of the brutal spots you'd find in deathmatch promotions, the things Edge and Foley did in the match didn't quite go over that line. They kept it just clean enough to keep me interested, and this must be the greatest finish spot to a match in WrestleMania history.

Honorable Mention - The Rock vs Stone Cold Steve Austin (WrestleMania 17)

I'm one of the people in the minority, in that I LOVED the Austin turn. But then again, I'm also in the minority by saying that I found Austin pretty boring and predictable from 1998 to 2000. So, when Austin switched from the unstoppable babyface to the power-hungry, attention-craving psychotic SOB, it was the best he'd ever been in my eyes. Plus, the sheer level of excitement and incredible build-up behind this match was unbelievable. (THIS TIME IMMA LET IT ALL COME OUT)

#5 - Chris Benoit vs Triple H vs Shawn Michaels (WrestleMania 20)

The... uhhh... "end" aside, Chris Benoit was a tremendous wrestler. As was Shawn Michaels. As was and is Triple H. So there was really no way this could go wrong. And it didn't. As the main event of, at the time, the biggest WrestleMania ever, this match did not disappoint. Despite almost five hours of wrestling before it, they managed not only to keep the crowd's attention, but had them leaping out of their seats for the majority of the last ten minutes of the match. There's not much to be said for this match that somebody else hasn't said before. So, yeah. 

#4 - Edge and Christian vs Dudley Boyz vs Hardy Boyz (WrestleMania 17)

Was it a spotfest? Yes. Was it the greatest spotfest in the history of professional wrestling? Absolutely. It was one of those matches where you're willing to suspend your disbelief for the sake of an amazing spot. "Oh, why are the Dudleys setting up four tables instead of trying to win the match?" "Because it's going to be dope as fuck when somebody goes through those." "Sounds good to me." Like that. Oh, and the best spot in WrestleMania history happened in this match. Maybe wrestling history. No big deal.

#3 - Owen Hart vs Bret Hart (WrestleMania 10)

Remember in the honorable mentions when I said Triple H vs Daniel Bryan was my second favorite WrestleMania opening match? Well, here's number one. What must be said about this match? Bret, searching for revenge after having his leg kicked out of his leg (wink) at the hands of his brother Owen, comes up short in a technical masterpiece. Bret, to me, was just alright, but Owen is the fucking best. And there's no doubt that these two brought out the best in each other. What a match.

#2 - Shawn Michaels vs The Undertaker (WrestleMania 25)

Well, WWE themselves named this the greatest match in the history of professional wrestling. So there's that. In all honesty though, it very well might be. This match had everything. Do you like crazy spots? Undertaker almost dies on a dive to the outside. Do you like when wrestling fucks with your emotions? Shawn Michaels kicks out of a Tombstone in the closest nearfall I've ever seen. How about submissions? Aerial moves? SUPERKICKS? EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!!!!! Yet, it's still only number two to me... hmmm....

#1 - Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle (WrestleMania 21)

There's a reason they call him Mr. WrestleMania. Shawn Michaels is, to me, the greatest professional wrestler of all time. (Even though he's not my favorite ever. Does that make sense?) Anyway, if HBK is the greatest ever, Kurt Angle must be pretty fucking close. Even as a seven year old who couldn't possibly have given less of a shit about in-ring work, I was metaphorically foaming at the mouth for the prospect of these two facing each other. The difference between Undertaker/Michaels and Angle/Michaels is the intensity that Kurt Angle brought to the match compared to the presence that Undertaker brought. I personally preferred Angle's borderline insane approach. It really kicked the match up a notch, especially in the closing moments as he wrenches The Showstopper in the Ankle Lock. That moment can't be topped. It's rare that there's a match this long without lulls in the action, but they did it. Overall, it's just the perfect storm. Everything I love about wrestling in one package.

7 Days of WrestleMania: Day 2

For the first day, even though this is technically the same day, I listed my seven favorite WrestleMania attires. This time, I'll list my top six WrestleMania entrances. The extravagant entrances are always one of the things I look forward to the most about WrestleMania. Something as simple as having a special entrance can go such a long way in establishing a big fight feel and elevating a character, even if it's only for one night. As a ground rule, I can only use one entrance per wrestler. Therefore, some tough decisions had to be made in deciding which entrance was best for a lot of the people on my list.

Honorable Mention - Bray Wyatt (WrestleMania 30)

It's no secret that even a normal Bray Wyatt entrance is a spectacle to behold. But with all the theatrics beforehand and the live performance, there's no way I couldn't mention this among the greatest WrestleMania entrances of all time. I can't imagine how incredible the aura in The Superdome was.

Honorable Mention - Edge (WrestleMania 24)

This entrance wasn't too different from what Edge would regularly do, but the spectacular firework display combined with The Rated R Superstar's amazing theme music really set the stage for his long-awaited showdown with The Undertaker. Of course, The Deadman's entrance wasn't half-bad either.

Honorable Mention - CM Punk (WrestleMania 29)

As a rule of thumb, live performances at professional wrestling shows are more often terrible than good. This was an exception. Living Colour was great, and even better was Punk backing down the ramp as Heyman held the urn in front of his face. 

#6 - JBL (WrestleMania 21)

JBL was the quintessential shitbag heel. He was a dick, he always narrowly avoided defeat, and his stupid droopy face was just ripe for punching. Is it possible to get any less likable than that? Oh, wait, maybe if we got a POLICE ESCORT for his white limo to be driven to the side of the stage, then dropped MONEY WITH HIS OWN FACE ON IT from the rafters. Yeah, fuck that guy. 

#5 - John Cena (WrestleMania 24)

To me, most of Cena's Mania entrances felt somewhat corny. But this along with his WrestleMania 22 mobster entrance were the two that I had a tough time deciding between. When making my choice, I had to give the edge to WrestleMania 24 because of the uniqueness of the band's rendition of his theme song, and just how well the band performed. 

#4 - Kane (WrestleMania 21)

This one might get disagreed with, because when everybody talks about Kane's WrestleMania entrances, they always bring up the burning buildings at WrestleMania 20. Well, the decision between the two was simple for me, really. WrestleMania 20 had fake fire on a titantron screen. WrestleMania had REAL LADDERS ON FIRE. No contest. Side note: SLOW CHEMICAL!!!!!!1111!!1

#3 - Shawn Michaels (WrestleMania 12)

As far as I'm concerned, this is the first real "WrestleMania entrance". Obviously wrestlers had entered at WrestleMania before, but this started the trend of superstars going above and beyond to make their presence felt on The Grandest Stage of Them All. As far as how it looked, it probably wasn't as impressive as his WrestleMania 25 entrance, but since it set the trend that it did, I had to choose it.

#2 - Triple H (WrestleMania 30)

Choosing between Triple H WrestleMania entrances is like trying to decide which child you love the most. All of them are great, and they're all accompanied by one of three Motorhead songs. So there's really no way to go wrong. But I'm partial to this one, not only for the insane entrance attire, but (if you follow me on twitter you'll know who I'm referring to) it included one of my favorite wrestlers. 

#1 - The Undertaker (WrestleMania 20)

If picking between Triple H entrances is like choosing your favorite child, picking between Undertaker entrances is like picking which child you'd allow to be drowned in a bathtub. Seriously. I had to go with Mania 20 because of the significance of the return of his Deadman persona, but really any of them would've been number one. 

7 Days of WrestleMania: Day 1

I know it may not feel like it to some, but we're a week away from WrestleMania. I got the idea to do a sort of countdown to Mania, taking some of the things I love most about WWE's biggest show and explaining them. To avoid confusion, I'm going to explain exactly what I'm doing: for this first installment, I will be naming my seven favorite WrestleMania attires. Then, I'll do six of something and so far and so forth, all the way until WrestleMania Sunday. (I know it's technically Monday morning right now, so two of these will be posted today). 

With no further ado, I present my seven favorite WrestleMania attires. Feel free to tweet me your personal favorites (@SaveUsY2Jake) or leave a comment. 

Honorable Mention - Rey Mysterio (WrestleMania 25)

Mysterio's series of superhero WrestleMania attires featured a lot of aesthetically pleasing gear, but none that I personally appreciated more than his tribute to Heath Ledger's Joker at the 25th Anniversary. I would say it's a shame we never got Mysterio in Bane attire, but then again he's not a big guy.

Honorable Mention - Daniel Bryan (WrestleMania 30)

This probably shouldn't even count because it was really just his normal gear, but I just pop so hard whenever I see those Bruiser Brody boots. Plus, his regular gear is good enough as it is.

Honorable Mention - Edge (WrestleMania 22)

It was simple enough, but it just felt right for the brutal hardcore match he had with Mick Foley. Everything down to the mechanic shirt made him feel like he could hang with The Hardcore Legend, and the logo on the leg of the pants was just enough to make Edge seem brash and arrogant. Plus, Lita's boobs.

Honorable Mention - Bray Wyatt (WrestleMania 30)

I can't put this one on the regular list because it was just too similar to what he wears every week, but the entrance jacket and WrestleMania aura created such a creepy vibe that Bray carried throughout the entire match with Cena that it was impossible for me to not at least mention it. Can't wait to see what he pulls out this year for his meeting with The Undertaker.

#7 - Rob Van Dam (WrestleMania 23)

I could probably do an entire post dedicated to RVD's singlets, but as far as the ones he wore at WrestleMania are concerned, this has to be my favorite. The strangeness of the design fit his character, and the blended red and black stripes are really pleasing to look at. Unfortunately, he wore this for the blowoff of the New Breed vs ECW Originals feud. Yikes.

#6 - Razor Ramon (WrestleMania 11)

I'm a big fan of blue and yellow as a color scheme, and I'm also a big fan of Razor Ramon's attires. The font on the trunks and the Razor logos on his gear are always fantastic, especially when combined with such a great combination of colors. Somehow, his Razor attires weren't as good as his nWo attires were. It's a shame his shitty son is wearing those now.

#5 - Macho Man Randy Savage (WrestleMania 7)

Macho Man always had the best ring gear, but the streaks of purple design in the clean white tights was a great look. It gets extra points because it came in a time when special WrestleMania attires weren't really a thing. ALL HAIL THE MACHO KING. OOOOH YEAHHHH

#4 - Kurt Angle (WrestleMania 18)

Kurt Angle's 'Murica singlet game was always on point. And while he did pull out a few gems for WrestleMania, I couldn't think of any that looked better than the black-and-freedom combo he broke out for his match with Kane in Toronto. It was a color scheme that he doesn't use often, and it worked perfectly. It's true, it's damn true. (Sorry)

#3 - Chris Jericho (WrestleMania 18)

Nothing makes someone quite as cunty as mismatched attire. Putting a SPARKLY GOD DAMN PINK AND SILVER SHIRT on top of GREEN FUCKIN TIGHTS not only helped Chris Jericho's innately hate-able 2002 persona, but it also just looked cool, like the rockstar he really is. Oh, and shoutout to Stephanie's attire. She's still the best.

#2 - Kane (WrestleMania 2000)

There are a lot of things Kane doesn't get enough credit for. Among these things is his attire game. SO strong. I am a big fan of the regular red-and-black, but flipping the colors and going with only one sleeve turned it from like an 8/10 to a straight up 10/10. I could've probably given an honorable mention to Paul Bearer's blazer as well.

#1 - Shawn Michaels (WrestleMania 25)

If I hadn't decided beforehand that I wouldn't use the same wrestler more than once, this list would probably have 2 or 3 HBK attires. But when I had to decide which one I liked the best, there's no way I couldn't choose the one he wore against Undertaker the first time. Not only did it fit the circumstances of the match and the feud, but it just looked incredible. The angelic entrance and the unique colors really went a long way to develop the aesthetic for what turned out to be my 2nd favorite WrestleMania match of all time. (Number one also involves Shawn Michaels). They call him Mr. WrestleMania for a reason.