So, this is a blog. I guess. Seeing as how I really have no idea what I'm doing at all, I guess I'll just go through RAW segment by segment. Enjoy?
Edge & Christian Opening
The promo by Edge and Christian would've been awesome... in 2000. Most of the crowd didn't know the catchphrases, and the valley boy gimmick doesn't really work when they're both rickety and retired. But just like any guest host, they were really just fodder for Heyman to spout off stuff about John Cena that really didn't make any sense. I understand why everyone foams at the mouth over Heyman's ability on the mic, but he hasn't done a very good job at hyping up the Lesnar/Cena match over the past few weeks. Or maybe that's just me not wanting to see that match again. Either way, I couldn't care less about Lesnar/Cena III. Furthermore, I didn't care for Lesnar having to sprawl away from Cena. I see what they're going for by having Cena force Brock to retreat, but Bork Lazer just isn't somebody that should dart out of the ring like a coward. I hate opening segments like this. Just announce the card beforehand on twitter or something. There's no need to waste 20 minutes on pointless segments like this when guys like The New Day are left off the card entirely. At least when The Authority did it, they were garnering heat.
I almost forgot to mention how hard I marked out when I noticed Edge was wearing the InZayn shirt. What a fucking hero.
Dolph Ziggler vs Rusev
I can't put into words how hype I was for this match. I've been loving Rusev's gimmick and his in-ring work since the summer, which is strange considering how much I was dreading his debut and subsequent push. Of course, this match delivered for the most part, and while the no contest finish was predictable, I don't mind it, as it keeps both guys strong. Plus, it's not like this was a PPV match or anything. I'm also a big fan of how they've used Lana. It's rare these days that you get a manager that isn't heavily involved in the matches, and it's great that Lana's getting her heat by just being annoying and bitchy.
Ryback Promo
This was weeeeeeeird. Of all the people on the roster they could've added backstory to, The Big Guy? It was definitely a good promo, but Ryback isn't really someone that needs to be humanized. Jacked up moron is essentially his entire gimmick, and that was obviously doing fine, just listen to how over he was last night! Still, he did pretty well for himself on the mic, and I'm really looking forward to Ryback vs Rusev whenever they decide to do it. Oh, and I appreciated that the Ryback promo was peppered with shots at Punk. Fuck that guy.
Nikki Bella vs Natalya
The highlight of the match, as is the case in all Natalya matches, was Tyson Kidd on the outside. I don't care about the feud whatsoever, but as long as Tyson gets TV time, all is good. It is a little strange that they're running separate angles for Cesaro and Tyson if they're supposed to be a legit tag team now, though. Oh well.
Usos vs Miz & Mizdow
I know most of the internet dislikes the way The Usos are being pushed, but I can't really see another tag team on the main roster that could carry the titles right now. Miz & Mizdow is a great gimmick, but because Miz has to do all the wrestling for the team, it would be ridiculous for them to be picking up victories in fair tag matches, and it would make the teams they face look like shit. I am still hoping that they ride out that gimmick until they face each other at Mania, but I have no problem with them dropping the belts to The Usos. Let's keep Jimmy and Jey away from microphones, though.
Cesaro vs Bad News Barrett
I enjoyed the Cesaro promo, even the part where he tripped over his words. However, I didn't enjoy the way the fucking idiots at the announcer's table continually blasted Cesaro for botching the line about the ropes. If Randy Orton were to do the same thing, they'd brush it under the rug, but because Cesaro isn't a top star, he gets berated. Anyway, I can't even begin to explain how happy I am to have BNB back. AND AS A BABYFACE!!! I wish they could've fed someone else to Barrett, but yet another loss doesn't do too much harm to Cesaro, I suppose. And he did look pretty strong in the loss.
Jack Swagger vs Luke Harper
HOSS FIGHT ALERT!!! Swagger and Harper are two of my favorite guys to watch in the ring, so needless to say my expectations for this match were high. The match was as stiff as expected, but the crowd not giving a shit really dragged it down. They gave it a lot more time than I thought it would get, which might have hurt the match more than it helped it due to the crowd's lack of noise. One last thing: Harper is so much better at this character than Bray Wyatt is. The pre-match promo was actually on topic, unlike most of the nonspecific bullshit Bray spews. I really like both guys, but Harper has been the star of the Wyatt Family to this point.
Roman Reigns vs Seth Rollins
Everything about this was top notch. Especially Big Show's commentary, because HE ACTUALLY PUT THE GUYS IN THE RING OVER. Well, Rollins. But it's better than what they usually do out there. Rollins and Reigns did some really good stuff in the ring, and keeping this as a no contest was the best thing for both parties involved. Seth and Big Show's bromance is A+, but we'll get into that more later. And the angle at the end with Roman's injury is interesting. I have no idea where they're going with that.
Daniel Bryan's Promo
It was no Mark Henry, but it was a pretty good fake retirement. They'd done a lot of things throughout the night to hint at Bryan's career coming to a close, stuff like a highlight package of Edge's retirement announcement, playing up how Ziggler's wrestling style shortens his career, glossing over Christian's retirement etc. But I wasn't fully sold on D-Bry retiring until he got in the ring and started thanking the fans. The pop when he announced that he wasn't retiring was insane, and he confirmed that he's still the most over person on the entire roster. If you ask me, he's on a collision course to job to Rollins at Mania 31, but a Bryan vs Brock match for the title would be crazy.
The Ascension Debut
As hard as I marked for Edge & Christian playing kazoo, my excitement was derailed by the debut of Konnor and Viktor. I never liked The Ascension in NXT, apart from the opening riff of their theme, and they've never really sparked my interest. I'm not sure what they're trying to do with the main roster gimmick, dressing them up like Hawk and Animal and such, and especially putting them in a match with Miz & Mizdow of all people. It made it impossible to tell if they were supposed to be faces or heels, because the crowd reactions varied depending on if they were beating up Miz or beating up Mizdow. This was just overall poorly booked, especially if Miz & Mizdow are supposed to continue feuding with The Usos.
Rollins Gets The Authority Back
The thing that bothered me the most on twitter last night was seeing people trash this segment. Rollins hadn't been doing a very good job of being a heel over the past few weeks. He'd just been bitching and moaning about Trips and Steph being gone, which didn't make me want to see him get his shit wrecked as much as it made me want to see him get a muzzle put on him. Last night, Seth went from whiny and dependent upon The Authority to being the cuntiest, scummiest piece of shit that I can remember seeing in WWE since X-Pac was hitting women on a weekly basis in 1999. He literally said he was going to paralyze and kill Edge, and that was after he made mention of the fact that Edge has a fucking family! After that segment, my desire to see someone put Seth Rollins through a whole bunch of tables is at an all-time high, but I know that won't happen because The Authority is in charge again. Fucking glorious. THAT is how you make heels be heels.
